Andy: alrighty, let’s do this.
Einklang
Andy: this definitely seems
cheesy so far.Logan: it's not a really good intro
Andy: why is it 4 minutes long?
Logan: It just keeps going on and on.
Andy: yeah, this is an immediate turnoff.
Andy: no one listens to slam for long-ass intros.
Andy: but i mean, i like the demo so i want to see where it goes.
Logan: It's better then even longer ass outros.
Andy: yeah, haha, we're always like
Andy: 15 MINUTE FINAL TRACK!
Andy: EPIC!
Logan: Fuck you Condemned.
Andy: oh god why, it's like 3 minutes and then nothing forever
Logan: All I'm getting out of this is that some dude loves killing Craigslist prostitutes.
Logan: Seems like the norm.
Andy: and dropping them by the river.
Logan: Wait
Andy: i love how the female anchor sounds extremely surprised by this trend
Logan: there's 12 victims
Logan: now theres 8 victims
Andy: "oh my god, there are so many victims!"
Logan: what just happened
Andy: hahaha, he's zombifying them.
Logan: Goddamnit, this would've been interesting had it only been a minute or so.
Andy: okay, this is much more amusing because it's so fucking absurd.
Logan: do the quick math, that's 8 deaths
Logan: but there were just 12
Andy: can't explain that
Andy: checkmate, atheists.
Logan: Long Island has a lot of serial killers.
Andy: hhahaha "hopefully we won't have any more bodies."
Andy: amen, dude. amen.
Logan: SEE
Andy: okay, the last part is sort of sweet.
Logan: Now the count is at 8!
Logan: this isn't very chronological.
Philosophy
of Suffering
Andy: production is a bit
overblown, hm.Logan: The riffing is great but that drum sound still bothers me.
Andy: good slam transition, i'm digging that. vocals are still nothing special though.
Andy: the drums are way quiet, why is the snare being drowned out when it keeps beats in breakdowns? you know?
Logan: Oh there's a nice slam. haha.
Andy: 1:15
Andy: hell yeah.
Logan: Kinda Devourmentish vocal pacing.
Andy: yeah it's got kind of the Majewski-drone haha
Andy: this would be a good candidate for a funeral slam but
Logan: Hmm, that transition was kinda iffy.
Andy: they sorta transition to a more rolling slam.
Logan: I didn't like that transition either tbh.
Andy: bulldoze slams are good but i think that one came at a weird time, whatever. back to the first motif. getting a little repetitive here though.
Logan: Repeating the intro all over again.
Andy: hm, i can live with the next part though. it's got like a protracted tremolo-ish riff with good pacing
Logan: The guitars really drown out everything.
Logan: Oh shit yes
Andy: yeah, it's sort of unnecessary. they are powerful.
Logan: Infected Malignity blast slam.
Andy: whoa, Cephalotripsy breakdown at like 3:15
Logan: More bands need to do that for fuck sakes.
Andy: yeah haha, i don't get why it's randomly unique to IM. then they were like "lol deathcore!1"
Logan: Goddamnit Japan.
Structures
of Inexistence
Andy: EXCELLENT RIFF.Logan: I gotta disagree a little bit, haha. It sounds a bit wonky to me.
Andy: i feel this one so far. vocals are still non-engaging and almost not even a factor.
Logan: Maybe it's just the guitar production.
Andy: but it's got a good charge to it.
Andy: i dunno, it isn't wonky really, and the way they divebomb into that first slam is satisfying.
Logan: The slam is paced quite differently.
Andy: yeah, it's a bit thuggy
Logan: Decent tremolo with a 4 note ending slam.
Andy: do not like how they dropped that one.
Logan: The hell is going on here.
Andy: good tremolo with a measure of slam just goes full weird.
Andy: okay, they do bring it back.
Logan: Come on, you were building up to something epic.
Logan: Why just repeat the same thing a bit faster.
Andy: yeah, hmm... direction on this song is a little bit rough. i mean, they had this problem on the demo too.
Logan: This isn't a strip club, don't tease me.
Andy: some parts would just be thrown out for no reason other than "whoa, wait, we need to have some variety"
Logan: Whoa
Andy: cool as fuck stuff going on now
Logan: That was almost like a reverse slam, haha.
Andy: kick drum following slams is killer.
Logan: More repetition
Andy: i gotta say the kick sounds shitty in that one tremolo-slam breakdown though.
Logan: please build up to something epic this time
Andy: i mean, at 5:35, in this genre, you better be going somewhere crazy.
Logan: What the fuck, come on.
Andy: HAHA.
Logan: I've heard this riff 20 times.
Logan: The fuck.
Andy: it's not bad or anything but wtf
Logan: Mind = blown.
Logan: LOL
Logan: WHAT THE FUCK
Andy: WHAT ARE THESE HIGH NOTES DOING
Andy: um, alright. sure. that just happened.
Logan: It's like Ancient Necropsy.
Logan: Just....
Logan: Ivan has better guitar melodies.
Andy: except not all fucking weird and going crazy
Andy: i dunno, that last album wasn't so hot.
Andy: anyway back to this one though
Logan: whoa
Logan: this going to be a funeral slam?
Andy: 5:08 man, what the hell
Andy: YES.
Logan: LOL
Andy: THIS IS HAPPENING NOW.
Logan: Well, something epic finally happened.
Andy: WHY DID YOU DO THIS HALF A MINUTE BEFORE THE END
Andy: WHAT
Andy: NO.
Logan: It just cut out abruptly too.
Andy: THAT COULD'VE GONE FOR LIKE 4 MORE MINUTES LIKE THAT.
Logan: Oh come on, the next track sounds incredibly similiar already.
Systematic
Extermination
Andy: i think i liked this on
the demo iirc...Logan: He really loves those tremolo riffs.
Andy: yeah, coincidentally i do too.
Logan: vocals are drowned out pretty badly.
Logan: the slams pretty typical too. It's not that its a bad thing but I've heard this all before.
Andy: hahaha let's see if they did anything at the 2:20 mark or so
Andy: in my review i mentioned being like "YES 9 NOTE SLAM, PLEASE GOD YES"
Andy: then it just doesn't happen and somehow went well anyway
Andy: kind of Devourment-y
Logan: Hmm, I'm still upset that the vocals are so drowned out.
Andy: just less finesse
Andy: hahahaha
Logan: It seems like the production changes on every track
Andy: wait, what happened to the epic ride cymbal usage here?!
Andy: on the demo that weird not quite generic slam was highlighted by rides
Logan: Decent slam into more tremolo.
Andy: okay, that next tremolo riff is fairly sinister sounding
Andy: very old school
Andy: triplet slam
Logan: I like how the next slam progresses.
Andy: yeah, this is working well for me. iirc it was the more brutal of the two demo songs.
Logan: But damnit.
Logan: It was building up again to something great
Andy: this mixing is too much, way overbearing.
Logan: but just repeated itself again.
Cassandra
Effect
Logan: lol.Andy: dat intro
Logan: Almost Funebrarum styled guitar intro.
Andy: dude, this is doomy death metal.
Logan: Where's this going.
Andy: hahaha.
Logan: ......
Andy: i... i think this might be instrumental?!
Logan: this is totally nu-metal tinged.
Logan: from doomy death metal to nu-metal tinged riffage.
Andy: yeah, it goes back though
Logan: Totally an instrumental.
Andy: it has the pacing and lack of need for vocal percussion
Andy: to be an instrumental
Andy: this is actually good, tbh.
Logan: riffing's catchy.
Andy: yeah, this is a good riff.
Logan: It's just incredibly odd
Logan: and kinda out of place in the album
Logan: nice guitar lead
Andy: i feel like he probably just went "check out this riff let's just write an instrumental with it" and then it went from there.
Logan: reminds me of the new Esoteric.
Andy: YES, it does.
Andy: (always a good thing)
Andy: i can go for a tasty riff track once in a while.
Logan: The solo could've evolved a little more on that, but it was great.
Logan: Odd feedback.
Andy: if it's the minority it comes out refreshing
Andy: yeah, not sure about the ending
Bludgeoned
into Demise
Andy: killer slamLogan: LOL
Logan: Voice Clip.
Andy: hahahaha, the sample.
Logan: ah, it wasn't integrated perfectly.
Andy: unfortunately broke a bit of the flow.
Andy: yeah but at least they go back to dat riff
Logan: Yea, I was slightly confused.
Andy: WHOA
Andy: that fucking drum part, what the fuck
Andy: hahaha
Andy: i found the snare, dude.
Andy: it's all in this song
Logan: Was expecting to go somewhere completely different then another slam.
Logan: Drum fill.
Logan: ROFL.
Andy: KILLER fill.
Logan: Dude
Logan: the vocal pacing
Andy: this is more like it, i actually dig the flow here. it's sort of just slam-into-slam-into-slam with drum fills.
Logan: is totally Babykiller.
Logan: Weird blast.
Andy: hahahahaha
Logan: HOLY SHIT WTF JUST HAPPENED
Andy: snare rolls.
Logan: Bass solo
Logan: kinda
Andy: dude, this is winning.
Logan: Still though
Andy: i love how this doesn't really give a fuck.
Logan: I'm totally singing Babykiller to his vocals
Logan: and it fits.
Logan: 100%
Logan: haha.
Andy: 2:20 slam doesn't really bring the headbang enough.
Andy: good thing they drop it.
Logan: Ah, he's at the midpoint. Discreate is the no fucks given slam band.
Andy: yeah, pretty much. and Putridity.
Andy: simultaneously 0 fucks and infinite fucks.'
Andy: 3:14, weird transition
Logan: Nice slam build up.
Andy: this is kind of an interesting slam
Andy: it's a little bit off rhythm for the typical one
Andy: or more melodic or something.
Logan: hmm.
Logan: Funeral.
Logan: Decent.
Andy: they always seem to put them at the very very end
Logan: I'm still not fully enjoying this though.
Human
Derangement
Logan: It's great stuff, but
these songs could be much shorter.Andy: alright this was on the demo too
Andy: i remember immediately liking it
Logan: Odd little guitar riff.
Andy: but the production is worse than the demo somehow.
Logan: What's with this
Logan: the vocals are higher in the mix now
Andy: yeah, inconsistent... not sure about that.
Andy: no snare.
Andy: during faster parts. tempo is marked by kicks and they seem weird.
Logan: I hear it, but it's a bit drowned out at points.
Andy: i mean, this and most other slam albums would work better with a big, tight, ping-y slam
Andy: snare
Logan: Gotta give the man some credit though, this is a debut album, and being honest the production is quite decent.
Logan: It's no Syphilic, but it's also no Artery Eruption.
Logan: That slam ended too soon.
Andy: oh, it is worthy honestly. i mean we're being critical but this is solid shit. i feel like it's certainly got some charm to it
Logan: Into a weird melodic riff
Andy: 2:03 is awesome
Andy: more understandable vocals
Logan: Guest vocals?
Logan: Or same guy?
Logan: Sounded quite different.
Andy: it is probably him, but i'm sure he'll tell us haha
Logan: LOL
Logan: SOURPUZ RIFF!
Andy: hahaha it was
Logan: That lasted way too short.
Andy: just needed to go into some goofy blast
Andy: same slam with cool melodic noodliness
Logan: Now this is more like it, keep it short.
Logan: IM slam.
Logan: Ended way too soon.
Hostile
Annihilation
Andy: what kind of
annihilation isn't hostile?Andy: are there like
Andy: nice and concerned annihilations?
Logan: Facepalm dude.
Andy: this is a dumb as hell slam.
Andy: definitely the most troglodytic song yet.
Logan: It's headbangable, definitely.
Andy: yeah, totally.
Logan: There's the odd melodic tremelo.
Logan: I was waiting for you!
Andy: not sure i like that here. hahaha
Logan: It was perfectly fine
Andy: the tone doesn't really support the tremolo riffs much, i don't think.
Logan: just the transitions didn't work.
Logan: yea, if Colombia has taught us anything it's that cocaine can fund an entire country, and tremolos need to be extremely tinny and/or melodic.
Andy: i dunno man, this is tedious.
Andy: first song i'm not feeling much at all.
Andy: it's throwing slams at me but it just feels thrown together in this case.
Logan: I think it may just be a factor of how long the album is.
Andy: well, okay, kinda fair. guys, if you do actually read this; don't write albums over like 30 minutes...
Logan: Hmm, that ending slam is pretty good.
Andy: 35 if you're really feeling daring.
Logan: It's about 40 minutes long if you take out the intro.
Andy: only a handful of bands can really make slam engaging for the length you've made this album, and unfortunately this isn't quite there.
Logan: It does get tiring, only Bodysnatch has made long slam albums kinda work.
Logan: YES MORE INFECTED MALIGNITY SLAMBLASTING.
Logan: But fuck you
Andy: cool blasting part, actually yes
Logan: always ending it so quickly.
Andy: way too short, what the fuck!
Andy: this band seems like such a tease.
Andy: hahaha
Implements
of Natural Selection
Andy: trees and cars are the
same to this guy.Andy: i hope he drives a tree.
Logan: I think it's the album length really.
Logan: This does seem a bit tedious.
Andy: yeah, it's getting tiring at this point. album pacing is a fickle and tough thing, dude.
Logan: Decent slam.
Logan: Weird triplets.
Andy: i mean, you are ending the album with two 5+ minute songs in a row.
Andy: okay, that's a cool one.
Andy: with the hanging notes.
Logan: I think it's the production really. It's making it hard to put up with 44 minutes of it, haha.
Andy: yeah, it's all loudness-war'd and shit
Logan: But that is an awesome slam.
Andy: yes, yes this is more like it
Andy: oh shit the one-note-too-soon snare hit?!
Andy: that is the kind of subtle brilliance that needs to happen more often
Logan: I also praise them for using the blasting slams.
Logan: What the fuck
Logan: that slam is so odd.
Andy: dude, whoa.
Andy: okay, wow.
Logan: 1:45 or so on.
Logan: haha.
Logan: Technical Slam.
Andy: yeah 1:45 on this song gets weird
Logan: Awesome riff now
Logan: haha.
Logan: 2:08 or so.
Andy: okay, shit son. this is much better than Hostile Annihilation so far. halfway through and i've been impressed more than i have about half the rest of the album
Logan: Also, this technically isn't their debut, they've had an EP named Icepick Facefuck before
Logan: but fuck that
Logan: I only count full lengths as debuts.
Andy: yeah, true. we made an exception for Gurchick Tree, kinda.
Logan: Hopefully they don't get mad at me like Begging For Incest did.
Andy: this is a really really heavy and oppressive riff
Andy: they make it into a slam backed up by triplets.
Andy: that's sort of brilliant
Logan: Great slam afterwards too.
Andy: i mean, write a tremolo riff, dissect it, make its basic root note parts into thicker slams, fill space in with triplets on kick?
Andy: profit?
Logan: They're so oddly paced, you don't hear many bands attempt to play like
Logan: 20 notes in a slam.
Andy: variations like that are what really work here.
Logan: LOL
Andy: why are the ends of these songs always full of the most epic random shit.
Logan: The ending slam reminds me of some old pop song, I can't quite put my finger on it.
Andy: huge empty space slam.
Logan: I believe it was something by Queen.
Andy: hahahaha.
Andy: I WANT TO RIDE MY BICYCLE, I WANT TO RIDE MY BIIIIKKKEEEEEBLURGH
A Mind in
Ruins
Logan: Goretrade riff Logan: almost HSB styled.
Logan: The shit.
Andy: dude, this is almost exactly like a slow version of something off the last Goretrade, hahaha
Logan: Heaven Shall Burn slam.
Andy: whoa!
Andy: wow.
Logan: Holy fuck
Logan: that slam.
Andy: that was so fucking cool.
Andy: dude, these last two songs are ridiculously good.
Logan: rofl, their album follows the trend of their songs.
Logan: The last song of the album is epic as shit
Logan: just like how every song ending is epic haha.
Andy: the middle of the album seemed like
Andy: why the fuck is this so long
Logan: slapped together.
Logan: haphazardly almost.
Andy: yeah, i buy this a lot more.
Logan: Really awesome tremolos here.
Andy: it seems like they sell the last few tracks a lot more. i wonder if it was conscious
Andy: very subtle, nice riff.
Logan: I still think this sound a lot like
Andy: he's got an ear for melody that's for sure
Logan: Heaven Shall Burn sometimes.
Andy: it does; it's the German thing. hahaha
Andy: 2:30
Logan: Whoa.
Andy: my anus is ready
Logan: Goretrade breakdown.
Andy: holy. fuck.
Andy: with better production this could be like one of the best melodic breakdowns i've ever fucken heard.
Logan: I like the hanging notes.
Andy: yeah, they do well with open space which isn't very typical.
Andy: letting slams breathe is a good way to do it sometimes.
Logan: Defeated Sanity is the only other band I know of that has pulled that off.
Logan: Coincidence? Damn Germans.
Andy: CHUN CHUN CHUN..... CHUN CHU-CHUN-CHU CHUN....
Andy: *double bass*
Andy: yeah, i'm flashing back to THAT ONE part.
Logan: You know
Logan: the ending of this track if it follows the trends
Andy: this is groovy now, i dig it.
Logan: my mind will = blown or well
Andy: finally some powerful snare hits. it's about time.
Logan: I don't know really, I won't be able to continue this review, as I'll be dead.
Andy: half a minute left
Andy: hahaha, they seriously just did that.
Logan: Ah, the ending wasn't very impressive.
Andy: lol, the ending.
Logan: Again, they cut off too quickly.
Andy: yis-yis-yis-yis
Logan: Gotta stick with these ideas.
Logan: Also, that soundbyte.
Logan: Goddamn.
Logan: now its 23 counts of murder.
Logan: Make up your mind.
WRAP-UP AND WHATNOT:
Andy: that could've been an epic ending if the song were like 8 minutes long and they entirely cut out Hostile Annihilation
Logan: Hostile Annihilation never had a chance from the getgo.
Andy: well maybe in the meantime of the album playing he killed either 15 or 11 people.
Andy: depending on if he had originally killed 8 or 12.
Andy: we're still not entirely sure.
Logan: Stop rationalizing this.
Logan: Goddamnit.
Logan: Well, albums over, and I have the oddest feelings about it now.
Andy: i think the biggest thing Chordotomy could take away from this review is that they need to make the samples have a more consistent death toll.
Andy: that would entirely fix all the problems here.
Logan: Keep us up to date after every track.
Andy: ...
Logan: Give us names.
Andy: ATTN LISTENERS, DUDE'S KILLED LIKE... 13 PEOPLE NOW.
Logan: I want to know who died, how, and why.
Andy: okay no but seriously. final thoughts?
Logan: But in all honesty, I wasn't entirely feeling the album, until the last two tracks.
Logan: Especially A Mind In Ruins.
Andy: that was certainly something else.
Andy: they expanded on what they gave on the demo; good effort and headbangability. now a word.
Logan: The instrumental was interesting, the intro was just.... cheesy.
Andy: but they also fumbled a few times.
Logan: Every other track was a mixture of greatness and facepalm moments.
Andy: yeah, bad intro. keep it short if you're gonna do it at all. it's not even necessary.
Logan: Except for Hostile Annihilation.
Logan: I almost feel like they didn't care for that track themselves.
Andy: intros establish an atmosphere and should be consistent with the album's theme as a whole. don't give 4 minutes and change of like... plinkety piano and murder recounts by news stations, just dumb.
Logan: It was like they were just going through the motions.
Andy: yeah, that was somewhat of an afterthought, but it might've been its placement.
Andy: it was at a point in the album where you're anticipating what they'll do at the end to wrap it up but it's not quite there
Logan: The only other real issues I could see would be a pretty obvious one
Logan: the production has no real consistency.
Andy: not only does it have low consistent... it's just not that good.
Andy: i liked the hollow guitar tone on the demo but for this they were like
Logan: You need a cleaner guitar tone for tremolos like that.
Andy: hey guys the difference between demo and "album" is that albums are louder, right?
Andy: yeah, exactly. it needs balance. this was a bit too... suffocating? clarity is actually a good thing, people.
Logan: The snare disappears randomly, the kickdrum goes from bearable and not really noticeable to fucking annoying.
Logan: And during a few tracks the vocals almost disappeared completely
END TRANSCRIPT
Anyway like I said, this was sort of an experiment in a different review style... hoping people (especially the band) read it and find it amusing and informative. For best results listen to the album while reading the review and see if you can line up your thoughts with ours. Sometimes we give timestamps for those following along at home. Cheers!